a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
