Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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