life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
