We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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