i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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