i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
