Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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