i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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