The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize