I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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