I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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