You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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