If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize