Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
