sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
