I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
