I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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