period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
