marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
God, I missed his penis.
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