you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
