Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
