do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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