Jerry, you need to find god
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
