I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
