I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
