I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
