I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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