I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
