i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
