I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
