do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize