The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
