Don't make out with my wife yet
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
