Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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