If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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