At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
