I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
