i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
