i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
