His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
