toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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