dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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