OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize