her vagine was all disorganized.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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