once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
