Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
