i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
