Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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