R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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