I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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