i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
