Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
