I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
