He had one of those small greek statue penises
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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