im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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