My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
MIDGETS
????
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
