I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
