How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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