i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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