I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
