she smelled like a LAN party
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
