I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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