Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If I die, sorry about rent.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
