You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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