I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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