YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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