I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
