I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
