She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
