After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
