I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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