The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
