I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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