I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
