Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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