I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
