She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
