I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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