i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
