u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
