I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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