I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
