Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize