I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think I sprained my soul last night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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