I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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