Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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