I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Randomize
