I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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