apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
