he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
false alarm. still invincible.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
not ubering you a puppy
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
