with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
