If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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