Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
