i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
