I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
