does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
