I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
