I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
