Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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