she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
