you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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