I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think my moral compass just broke
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize